Fire Breaks Out at Fort Carson Hospital After Bizarre MRI Incident
Fort Carson, San Andreas – Patients and staff at the Fort Carson Medical Center had their morning turned upside down yesterday when a routine scan in the imaging ward escalated into a full-blown fire.
Hospital officials say the blaze began when a patient allegedly smuggled an electronic vape pen into the MRI room, despite the giant warning signs about not bringing metal or electronics into the scanner. Hospital security, which apparently consists of one guy named Harold who's been asleep at his desk since the previous administration, failed to notice the obvious bulge in the patient's pocket during the standard pre-scan screening.
The device, predictably, was ripped out of the patient’s pocket and went spinning into the machine like a cheap carnival ride before bursting into flames.
“It looked like a vape tornado,” said one witness, who admitted he had been waiting for an X-ray but stuck around once “things got interesting.”
"The warning signs are huge," explained Dr. Maria, a radiologist who wasn't on duty during the incident but has been dealing with the aftermath.
"We're talking poster-sized warnings about metal and electronics. There's literally a cartoon drawing of a vape pen with a big red X through it. It's like someone drew it specifically for people who can't read, which apparently includes half our patient population."
Staff scrambled to put out the flames, but according to reports, one worker decided the quickest fix was to smother the fire with a nearby blanket. Unfortunately, the blanket had just been laundered with an experimental cleaning solution described as being insanely “flammable”. To make matters worse, it was made of wool, which ignited almost immediately.
Janitor Bobby, who threw the blanket onto the flames, told Weazel News:
"I was just trying to help, you know? I see fire, I throw blanket. Nobody told me the blanket was basically a Molotov cocktail in disguise. Next thing I know, the whole room is going up. It smelled like gasoline, but I thought that's what the cleaning agents we used smelled like."
The flames quickly spread through the imaging ward, filling the hallways with smoke and sending patients rushing out of their beds. Fire crews from Fort Carson brought the fire under control after nearly an hour of chaos.
While no fatalities were reported, several patients were treated for smoke inhalation. The MRI machine, valued at over $3 million, was described by firefighters as looking like a toaster after a frat party.
Hospital administrators issued a short statement thanking first responders while carefully sidestepping any mention of the flammable blanket:
“Fort Carson Medical Center remains committed to patient safety. We regret the incident and will review our protocols immediately.”
Cleanup crews are now assessing the damage, while patients have been temporarily relocated to facilities in Bone County and Las Venturas. Hospital officials say imaging services will be suspended “until further notice,” though rumors are swirling that administrators are already shopping for a replacement MRI machine “with fewer flammable accessories.”
Hospital officials continue to work with insurance providers and regulatory agencies to determine the full scope of the damage and develop plans for restoration. In the meantime, Fort Carson residents continue to deal with the reality that their nearest full-service medical facility was effectively destroyed by someone who couldn't follow basic safety instructions.
